Energizing Exhaustion

On a normal day to day basis, I fit in the events of five days into one.

On a normal day to day basis, I sleep about 2 to 6 hours and function just fine from one extreme to another.

On a normal day to day basis, I'm as sharp as a tack mentally, physically, and emotionally.

Today? I'm trying to energize my exhaustion.

Every once in a while, about every 6 months I'd say-I have to take an opportunity to catch up to myself. During this time, I realize I am HUMAN. I realize that all the while I didn't think I was actually doing THAT much I was in reality doing TOO much, as always.

I'm the ear for many mouths. I'm the shoulder for many that need someone to lean on. I'm the motivation for those that can't seem to find it. I'm the resource for the unresourceful...and when I need some time, some space, some relaxation...I'm the only one who is providing that also!

It's hard to lack the ability to let go and unleash all that you "have" and just let it be. It's hard to find somebody who is not so wrapped up in their own things to make me feel like they genuinely care about my things. I don't complain hardly ever. I'm not tired hardly ever. But once in a while, it might be nice to feel like somebody wanted to be the ear for me too. It'd be nice for someone to say "How are you" and then actually listen and not interrupt me with personal interjections or put me on hold for their life since mine seems so unimportant to them.

Then...I come back to reality. That's my role. People don't know how to be there for me when I need them...cause I just don't hardly ever need that. So, I have to energize my exhaustion, look in the mirror, and realize THAT is who is listening to me. Me.

It would be unfair of me to have hard feelings about people surrounding me not being there for me in a bigger way, when I only allow it maybe once a year. I have to be real with myself and realize that everybody can't get on MY schedule.

So, in my exhaustion-I'll find a way to create some energy. I'll open up my ears, dust my shoulder off, and keep on moving the way I always do.

Maybe I'll start taking some time to myself, FOR myself.

We'll see.

In 6 months.