Change...

In my own words...the worst thing you can ever do to anybody is to stop believing that they can change. The worst thing you can do to yourself is to stop trying.

I believe that for the most part I have given more people than I should the benefit of this doubt. Time and again, it is the people closest to me that show they aren't capable or they don't want to try.

Times have changed. There was a day when all that criticism would have hurt me, stayed with me, made me look down on myself...Sorry. Not anymore.

You can stand in my face and assume that I have done anything your little head can come up with. But I no longer cower down and try to explain why you are wrong about me. I don't care. I am human, I make human mistakes. And like all humans-I fix my mistakes and live with the consequences.

You can look down your nose at who I am, but no longer am I trying to stand up to who I'm trying to be. I know who I am, and if you can't see it, it is because you can not see past the flaws in yourself.

You can try to put me down, but no longer do I try to prove that I'm still on my way up. I won't be your scapegoat. I won't be the person you can always count on to look down and feel better about yourself. I won't give you the satisfaction of accepting defeat, because you can not defeat me. You would have to be stronger than me to do that-and not one of you has that. NOT ONE.

You can not make me who I am by what you think.

You can not make me who I am by what you think you KNOW.

You can not make me who I am by what you think you KNOW about ME.

And as long as you continue to think that I have not changed, it is really you that I have left behind because I never held you to any standard. I only apologized for not being all I could be when really-all I was doing was allowing you to control my opinion of my OWN SELF.

Whatever you see in me, you only recognize it because it is in YOU.

For as long as you try to put me down, that is as long as you are trying to still feel good about you.

I will not stop believing that you can change.

And I will not stop changing for your benefit. If you don't get better, that is on you.

If you don't try harder, that is on you.

If you don't change, that is YOUR choice-not my doing.

So to my mother,
father,
sister...

You can't put me down any longer because I'm not there for you to control.

The faults that you try to place on me are your own and then you beg for my patience, strength, and understanding to help you in your life. I give it freely without judgement, and I give you all love unselfishly wanting NOTHING from you in return. But-I refuse to be held back by a closed mind, a judgemental attitude, and your inability to see me for who I am because of your own insecurities.

I made my own choices, I suffered my own consequences.

And I have suffered ENOUGH.

You are my blood...but you don't possess the blood that gives me renewed life, renewed spirit, renewed faith.

You are my family...but I don't have to accept what you have to offer.

You are not my friends.

The changes keep coming in me...

What will you decide to do?


So I am sorry if you feel like I am being disagreeable in your eyes. In my eyes, you are being ridiculous.

I am sorry if you feel like I haven't done all the things I should have. In my shoes, you would have known the path that I have walked has not been easy-but I didn't stop. Not even when YOU gave up on me.

I am sorry if you don't agree with my ways. In my life, your ways will get me nowhere but to where you ARE. It's not my goal to be miserable. It's not my goal to be unhappy. It is not my goal to accept where I am and stay there.

So as I ascend on my upward path, I hope you will ascend up yours and not stand in the crossways of all that life has to offer you and sink in the quicksand of judgement of others and hate that fills you. Strong words for you? The truth is always a force to be reckoned with.

And it is not that I don't see your point of view...it is that I am so far past where you are it is impossible for me to care about your journey because then I can't get ahead in mine.

I know that this might be hard for you to understand because for many years, you've been able to stop me right in my tracks.

I'm not a follower, and I don't expect to be YOUR leader. But my life is mine. I am responsible for it, and I know that you don't want the burden of knowing you held me back.

Fortunately for you, you don't get that much credit from me. I forgive all of you, but I don't forget the pain inflicted on my heart because of the incompleteness in yours. Don't worry, I'm not mad about it, it has made me stronger. So thank you for my STRENGTH, and that is all the thanks you get from me.

Change will happen...

You can either get with it or let it pass you by.

I believe you CAN change.

Will you? Don't give up on yourself, I believe you can do it.

As for me, I will not ever stop trying to change for what I believe is better for me and my family...

MY family, not you.

And if you do not understand my words...it's okay.

You don't have to understand me...just know that I understand every simple thing about you.

Change.

It is what YOU need.

Not what I require. Unlike you, I accept you for who you are.

And I learn what NOT to be.

Change.

I'm still changing.

Don't focus on my change-concentrate on yours.

Change.

The love will never change-
but...
Can you change the love?

Change...