The Closed Door...

Keith,

It's been almost one month since you passed away. I have started this so many times-but I couldn't bring myself to finish until I realized I need to let it go.

Every morning I walk in this building, and as I get ready to go to my desk the closed door of your office reminds me that you're not here. There isn't a day that goes by that you aren't somehow brought up in conversation among us regarding work or personal lives-but it shows me that you were an important friend and mentor to all of us.

I remember when you first got diagnosed with Cancer. You wouldn't look me in the eye and I thought something was strange. You kept having closed door meetings with Larry and we all thought Larry was getting ready to retire!! I wish that's what it was. The day you brought us all together to tell us of the cancer that they found in your body was a terrible day for me. I'm sorry I had nothing to say. I'm sorry that I couldn't show you right then how important you were to me. I knew that you were watching me and watching my reaction. To see you almost break down tore me up on the inside, but I thought if I broke down too it would be too much for you. So I simply walked past you and left you the card I put in your box that day.

Your will to live amazed me. The times we got to see each other and it was YOU lifting my spirits always left me in awe of the person you were. It made me want to try harder, to work harder, to let you know there was nothing here for you to worry about. I never felt like I could fill your shoes but I wanted you to be worry free about what was going on at work.

In my heart, I knew you'd never come back to work. But, I was hoping that you would have time to spend with your family and realize that there were more important things in life than a "job".

Keith, you are the most important mentor I have ever had in my life. You believed in me at a time I wasn't sure anybody would. You gave me a voice in a company where I never thought I'd ever be relevant. And I know you would say you didn't give me anything-that I just realized my full potential. I will never EVER forget your words. I will never EVER forget your encouragement, I will never EVER forget how much you believed in me, and I hope that I never let you down.

At your memorial service, your daughter spoke of the things you instilled in her and your son. And my heart was so full because those were the things you taught me too. This with the assurance from Larry that "He liked you a lot, a whole lot" made me feel close to you.

I thank God that the last time I saw you I was led to tell you how I really felt. I'm glad I got to tell you how much I missed you being here and how much I actually respected you as a boss and loved you as a person. I don't know if I could live with that regret. I'm glad that I had an opportunity to make you smile, and I'm glad we shared laughter.

For some time, I've felt like I shouldn't still be grieving. But I think it speaks to the person you are. You changed my life. You provided me an opportunity in life to make my life better and in turn make my son's life better and I will be eternally grateful for that more than you can ever know. I hope you knew how important you are to me. I hope you knew what a difference you made in my life. I hope you knew how important our friendship was to me.

The closed door reminds me that you aren't here...

but you will live in my open heart now and forever.

I can't pay you back, but I will do my best to pay what you taught me forward.

Thank you for what you did for me.

Thank you for believing in me.

Thank you.