The Happy Birthday turned Anniversary...for me!

I wonder if when I'm not SO stressed about what seems to be EVERYTHING if things occur to me as often as they have lately. Mostly things I tolerated that I never should have, people I entertained that aren't entertaining, things I did that I should slap myself for...

I woke up to a text this morning inviting me to celebrate Mr. Lollipop's (an old "acquaintance" from way back) birthday with drinks downtown. I rarely forget ANYTHING, but I realized I didn't remember his birthday because he just doesn't matter anymore. So, the text was sent at about 11 pm the night before so my assumption is that he sent it looking for an obligatory "Happy Birthday" reply. Well, thank the Lord my phone went dead and I didn't get that text until this morning. I'm glad he had to wait around on me for once-Lord knows I spent a year of my life way back when waiting for him to just SEE me. Oh, how desperate!!

Again, I have to step up into the spotlight of shame for my behavior since the breakup. At one time, after the breakup with the EX (he doesn't deserve name recognition anymore-he doesn't even deserve one keystroke from these fingers, I'm being generous and giving him two), I did let Mr. Lollipop come back around. The physical? Two thumbs up all around. Life? FAIL. EPIC FAIL. No need to rehash the past-but this dude should have never gotten a second of my time. But the light skin, pointy nose, nice body strikes again. I put up with unnecessary and completely foolish drama for about a year until a fateful trip, a Happy birthday song, and my revelation on the plane ride home to him that I was "DONE". And that was that.

WHY DIDN'T I LEAVE WELL ENOUGH ALONE.

Walking today, I realized that half these dudes I still stay in what I think is friendly communication needs to just stop. There's no sex, there's no nothing really-but these are people I don't even need in my life. How do they make my life better? They don't-I was the one that gave them a glimpse of hope. I was the one that gave HIM in particular a vision of what his life COULD be like-all that fool had to do was stop lying.

One time my son said "You don't take stuff from anybody, why do you let my dad say whatever he wants to you?" Now, there's a different reason for that-but his concept stuck with me. In general, I hate bullcrap. So why do I always overlook the signs of a BS Hoarder and let them in my life? No WONDER I'm okay being by myself-it's the obvious and preferred alternative to what I normally choose.

So, today I realized that while I do enjoy ME, life wouldn't be SO bad with someone to share it with that was WORTH IT. Don't know if I've met him yet or not...and I'm still not looking. He's going to have to know he's the right one and slap me into it, cause I don't have the energy for that right now.

So, to Mr. Lollipop-Happy Birthday. Glad to say I gave you one of the best ever-but we will never celebrate another one again. But, it is also a Happy Anniversary to me. Celebrating the time in my life when I realized there wasn't anything wrong with me, but everything wrong with you and to a certain point moved on. Anniversary's get better with time right? So by this time next year, I hope to be able to say the last time I heard from you was yesterday when you were begging for a birthday wish.

Happy Anniversary to me...screw your birthday.