Sunday-Aug 1, 2008

The scripture today was I Corinthians 13:13. My favorite verse in the bible. A verse that has gotten me from here to there plenty of times:

"But now abideth faith, hope, love, these three; and the greatest of these is love."

I realized today that I've been battling this for quite some time. And as the words to the song were sang (Jesus, you're the center of my joy. All that's good and perfect comes from you. You're the heart of my contentment, HOPE for all I do. Jesus you're the center of my joy) I realized that I have come up short once again.

I've been in complete turmoil with the situation that my son is in. Praying constantly and really hoping that God would mend the relationship between father and son. I have been hoping for so long that this could happen so that my son would not have to face the disappointment and the pain...and the notion of it hurts ME. But I've overlooked ALL the things that God has showed me in the process.

I have a child that knows God. That has prayed and testified to me over the phone, even though in pain, that he has prayed and he knows God has listened. FAITH.

He has told me that it has helped things to get better and he knows he will have a good time and God will help the time go fast. :-) HOPE

And although he complained to me of the rift between his father and him and his father's family, he still believes in what can be and never hovers on what has transpired...that is LOVE.

Unforgivingly, without judgment-he is standing there with an open heart. Ready and willing to believe that everything his father has promised him is true. He stands there believing and hoping that things will be the way he would wish them to be, and all because he has LOVE in his heart that allows him to do so.

Everyday, I pray that God just give me the right words to guide him. The strength to help him through this. The knowledge to get over it. And all the while I am trying to be a mother, my son has showed me a true example of the scripture I have often leaned on. My son has shown me that although I want to be strong for him, his heavenly FATHER will never let him down. And the things that happen on this earth-God will get him through it. Although promises may be broken and words are not kept-he will not suffer because he believes and hopes that things will be better-all because his love for God allows him to be free in what God has promised TO him.

I have so much emotion about this, I'm not sure that my thoughts are even transmitting clearly. Jesus IS the center of my joy. Not my son's happiness. Not fixing the wounds that hurt ME so I believe they hurt my child. Not trying to figure out the motive behind the actions of others. Jesus IS the center of my joy.

No matter what I go through, I am always thanking Jesus. So why am I not thanking him for showing me that he has a great plan for my child's life? Why am I not thanking him for having such a presence in my child's life at such an early age? Why am I not thanking him for the living testimony I often talk about?

Because in my mind, loving my child was not letting him hurt. But if I trust in God, and if I let Jesus be the center of my Joy and lead by awesome example-my son will know and be assured that his faith and his hope are not in vain-that the love he has already shown will be the greatest tool in his journey.

He loves his father. But the greatest LOVE is for his heavenly father. My child has shown me his faith. He has shown me his hope. He has shown me his relentless love. And he has taught ME by example that if I put all that energy into loving God, that he will rain it right back down on me. I can't protect him from the things that God has put into place for him.

A mother. Put back into her place BY a child. My child that God gave to ME.

My child is walking a tremendous journey. And amazingly to me, he knows he is not alone and his head is held high. I'm not creating or paving any ways or roads for him. He isn't walking by himself, he knows who is holding his hand, but-I'm walking behind them.

Faith.

Hope.

Thank you God, for everlasting Love.