Tha nature trail

Yesterday, in an attempt to get some clarity...I went and walked the nature trail. I needed somewhere to clear my head, where I could be by myself, no questions.

The thing is, I was not alone. There is nothing like God's natural creations to show you how good he is. As I walked the trail, there were so many symbols that spoke to me about my own life that I knew that God had lead me there for a reason.

As I walked the trail, it was very poetic to me that I started going downhill. How relevant. I walked a little while longer and there were two ways to go. I stood there. I didn't know which way to go, and I realized-many times in my life when I had to make a choice of where to go-did I make the right decision. I chose to walk over the bridge. The trail took me to a place where there was a creek on one side of me and just open fields on the other side. Everything on one side so still, and on the other side of me-the water never stopped. It was like life to me. When you get to a point where you are standing still, life still goes on.

I walked, I cried, I prayed, and I played things over and over in my head. Still searching for answers that I still don't have today.

There was an opening and a place where the creek opened up and now looked like a river. It was beautiful...but as I got closer to the water-I realized that getting closer to the water was a more treacherous and dangerous trail. What is beautiful is not always better, and certainly never easier.

As I walked, I realized that with time I was more consumed with the natural wonders around me then my own problems. I got to a place where the river crashed down on the rocks. The sound of the water was overwhelming. Almost so loud it drowned out my own thoughts, but not quite loud enough. Loud enough that I could get lost in the music that it made-but not so loud that I forgot my own problems.

Life is like that sometimes. Everything around you seems to consume everything-so you feel like your problems, however big-are so small in comparison. And sometimes, makes you feel unimportant. The water crashed down over the rocks. The tears crashed down out of my eyes.

After that, there was a clear opening. A small duck pond. So still. I had just left the water where it looked so violent, but this water was clear. Looked like a picture it was so still. I sat there and I cried. I prayed and I had a moment with God.

A fisherman came and because I didn't want him to know I was crying. I got up and finished along the trail.

I took the shortcut and as I could see I was coming to the end, there was a hill. I thought again-a poetic symbol. The end of the journey comes with an uphill battle. But this time, everything was still around me. And I thought in my head, everything is still but it's up to me to keep going. To keep pushing, and to meet whatever is at the top of the hill. No matter what it is.

I thought of the nature trail while I was in the shower today. I was supposed to go with my family. I kept thinking I was going to have to put on the "good face" because I didn't want them to think anything was wrong with me.

Well, I'm done with the good face. I'm not alright, and it's ok. As the sobs overtook me in the shower, I realized...I KNOW where I went wrong. I didn't praise God enough when I had what I wanted. I didn't thank him enough for the love, happiness, and clarity in my life. I prayed to him when it got hard...and he's probably heard from me more in these last two days than he has in awhile. THAT is here I went wrong.

So right now, although I know I Thank God and Pray to him everyday-I can still do more. That nature trail is like the story of my life...but all along the way-GOD WAS THERE. He was just waiting for me to see him.

Today I'm going back to the nature trail. I'm not going to take any shortcuts because I already know that way. I'm going to take the long way. I'm going to take it all in and I'm not going to wonder where I am, because the most important thing is God is there.

I'm going back to the nature trail.

But today, I'm not going to walk-

I'm going to RUN.