He's Just Not That into Me

So-I have done the girl thing.

I have wondered what could happen.

I have wondered where things are going.

I have played out different scenarios in my head.

I have daydreamed, dreamed, hoped-all that silly girl stuff. Things I don't normally do-I guess because I was a little smitten. I was hopeful because I had met somebody new that didn't offer the same old and tired bull. I was kind of taken.

I prayed for a sign, for an answer, for some kind of insight to what the future would or could be...

So we met here and there, we've talked, we've shared ideas of what could have happened or what could be...

I feel like I've done my part, shown what my intentions are and could be...

I've made offers, extended welcomes, given opportunities...

I've tried to keep him involved, keep him informed, keep him at the top of my "attention to" list...

And what have I gotten?

Not much. Words with no actions. Actions with no words. But never given any promises-so I can't say that any were broken.

Did I do too much? Did I not do enough? Am I too damaged to give it a good effort?

So as I take back over myself, as I look back on what happened...again I'm thankful for the presentation of people in my life to show me what I could have, what I do deserve, what it could be...

But in this instance-as much as I hate to admit-I have to just say:

He's Just not that into me.

If he was-I would have known it by now.

We live and we learn-and even if we don't...

Life goes on.

Why Are You Talking to Me?

"I hate black people"

Unfortunately, this was the statement made to my 9-year old during recess yesterday. To which he replied, "Then why are you talking to me?!"

I thought his response was great. I talked it over with him. I thought we were done with it...and then I caught him deep in thought later in the evening. I asked what was wrong, he replied nothing. I asked what he was thinking about-and the tears started falling.

It frustrates me to no end when I don't have an answer for his queries. It makes me sick to my stomach that he had to go through this and it made me feel like a failure because even through everything I told him, I KNOW it doesn't take the pain away.

So in this situation, I have to hope that he believes that everything he knows and has been told about God is true. I have to trust that telling him that God had this planned out for him will lead him to be grateful and not angry. I have to believe that that he will turn that pain into the RIGHT energy to feed the RIGHT things. I hope that he can follow through on our conversation of forgiveness and where it comes from and WHY we forgive in the first place. And then to look him squarely in the eye and tell him that this was not the first and probably won't be the last-so hard.

I do however think his reply was priceless...if you hate me, then why ARE you talking to me?

Good for him.

We work twice as hard, so we are twice as good.

I know he is being made strong...I just hope I have given him the proper tools to allow his spirit to take that journey.