Meeting Me Again...

I don't know if we ever stop and think about how powerful our minds really are. By measure, we know what we are capable of by the things we do, the things we have achieved, the things we aspire for. But that is the power of our brain. The power of our mind often takes us outside of ourselves and we let it somehow become the controlling factor in our opinion of ourself.

As of late, my problems have seemed so small. I have life, health, and my strength. Beyond that, who I am to ask for anything more? Only by God's grace and mercy am I blessed with the things that I don't deserve, but he gives them to me anyhow IN SPITE OF who I am. I have lost somebody out of my life-but not by death. By God showing me what I knew all along. And all this hurt around me, REAL hurt, REAL LOSS has made me feel so small. So selfish for feeling sorry for myself. So simple for letting my mind take power over my self worth.

But isn't it amazing how our true friends, and even friends we didn't know were in our corner don't let OUR mind overpower them?

I have been overwhelmed by the love and support from near and far. I have been so touched by the words of encouragement, the offers of support, the reassurance of who I AM from people that love me. Although my mind was working overtime and allowing me to be angry, hurt, sad, mad, and desperately searching my soul for the answers from the past that could help me in the present-the person that I AM wouldn't allow those people to watch me fail.

Is it sad that I had to be reminded how strong I am? Is it sad that I had to pull from other people's words, wisdom, and encouragement to get through each day? Or is it assurance for ME that I have surrounded myself by people who love me? Is it a sign for me to not allow one person who didn't appreciate me overshadow all the people who do? Is it a lesson for me to love those that are giving it back to me and not waste it on the people that don't know what to do with it?

Is it that these people have seen who I am, know how I've changed, and feel for what I'm going through ENOUGH that when I get down on myself, they re-introduce me to ME? Is it that I have been so richly blessed that even though my mind tells me I am being punished, God is still showing me the blessings around me and just waiting for me to see them? Is it that the people who are not around me shouldn't be, the people that leave from being with me are gone, and these people that love me stay with me to reassure my heart, my soul, and MY MIND that I really am who I thought I was, will continue to be who I dare to be, and will stand with me always, and pick me up when I fall?

All the little gems of advice that you thought you knew all along-but sure brightened up your day when it was handed back to you. What a blessing!

Today-I can't even really say that I'm still hurting. I guess to think about IT still hurts, but why think about it? I'm still here. Better than EVER. I didn't cheat, I didn't lie-I can still be proud of me for the woman that I learned that I am. I am still proud of what I accomplished. I still am a good woman-I just didn't find a GOOD man. And should I be sad? Or should I be thankful that he showed me who he was long before I got sucked into the miserable existence that is the life that he chooses to lead?

Today-I am better. I'm here. I am CLEAR. There is nothing in front of me, in back of me, around me, or through me that casts a shadow of any doubt on who I am. I don't have to lie, I don't have to hurt people, I don't have to hide inside myself in order to look at myself in the mirror. I have treated others the way I want to be treated...and even if they didn't give that back to me, I hope what I gave to THEM is the assurance that there is somebody out there that will love them with no conditions, no expectations, no judgement.

I stand strong. I made it through. I may have been hurt, but better to love and have lost than never to have loved at all. I loved somebody who didn't know how to be loved. That' s not my loss. I gave freely without expecting anything in return. That's not my loss.

I am who I am, but I just forgot who I was.

Nice to meet me again.
Nice to be me again.

It's nice to know that no matter what my mind says, I will not be allowed to be forgotten.

Hi Monica-glad you're back.

Friends, my Family

In the midst of my own problems, it would be totally selfish of me to not say thank you to all my friends. To the ones who read, and to the ones who don't.

You are my family. You were not born of the same bloodline that I come from, but you have each stolen a piece of my heart-but you may have it forever!

In times like this-truly I do not know what I would do without each of you. I thank you all for knowing ME. For knowing what I've been through, and even for some of you that are still learning-you have never judged me, never questioned who I am TODAY, but most importantly you just love me. When I ask if I'm being crazy, selfish, stubborn-I thank you for telling me I am. And I also thank you for uplifting me at the same time. When I need honesty-I thank you all for honesty. When I need support, I thank you all for that support. And even when I don't think I need you to be there for me, you all know me enough to know when I need you and you never, ever fail to be there.

I thank you all because I have not felt alone in a long time, and that's not a feeling I ever want to go back to. I thank you all for the things you teach me from being great examples to me, and I thank you all for challenging me to be better.

They say you can not pick your family but you can pick your friends. But actually-I don't think I picked any one of you. I can see that God placed you in my life at the very moment that I needed you the most. And the moments like now-if nothing else-your words, your thoughts, your prayers are holding me up at a time that I can't even stand on my own.

If I've never said it before. I thank you.

Many people say that one of their goals in life is to change the life of another person. If for any of you-this is or was your goal. It has been achieved.

Thank you for knowing ME.

Thank you for loving me.

Thank you for your friendship.